Bobby-joe was riding in Jeds truck Jed pulled over, got out and pointed down yawnder and said, "Thats where I first had sex." Bobby-Joe said,"How was it." Jed said,"It was great til' I looked up and saw her mom was watching." Bobby-Joe yelled,"Oh shit, what did she say??" Jed repiled "Baaa"

A redneck family are visiting a big city for the first time. The father ans son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator. "What's that Paw?" The boy asked. "I ain't never did see nothin' like that in my life" Replied the father. Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her cain, waits for the doors to open and gets in. The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch. They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old busty blonde. The father looks at his son and says "Go get your Maw !"

There is a Redneck Cop sleeping in his cruiser one night. All of a sudden he is awakened by a loud crash. The cop gets out of his car and walks up the road a piece when he notices a car in the ditch. "Damn" he says, "There's a car in the ditch!" He takes out his notebook and writes "car in D-I-T-C-H" for his report. He walk up the raod a bit further and notices another car in the ditch. So he writes "another car in ditch....D-I-T-C-H" for his report. The cop decides to head back to his car to make the report when he notices a head in the middle of the boulevard. "Damn, somebody's head's in the middle of the boulevard!" He gets out his notebook again and begins writing "head in middle of" Then he thinks, boulevard? "B-O..." no, no "B-U..." "Aww hell" he says and he kicks the head into the ditch "D-I-T-C-H"

Two rednecks, Jake and Bubba, were sitting in a bar one night watching rasslin' on the tube. At the end of the match was an advertisement. A loud, obnoxious character came on screaming about the $10,000 dollars prize money for anyone who could defeat "The Killer". Jake looked at Bubba, a 6' 4" giant with the brain the size of a pea, and got an idea. He told Bubba, "I bet you could beat that guy. He doesn't look so rough, and you're no wimp." Bubba thought about it for a minute and agreed that he probably could. The next weekend Jake and Bubba went down to the stadium where the tournament was to be held and signed Bubba up. An old man came up and started briefing them on the rules of the contest and such. Jake, seeing Bubba was a bit nervous, asked the old man for any tips. The old man looked up to Bubba and said, "Just you watch out for his pretzel hold. Ain't nobody ever gotten out that thing." One by one, the contestants ahead of Bubba went in and came back balled up and hurting. Two hours after they arrived, Bubba's turn was finally up. In the ring, right before the bell rang, Bubba looked back at Jake and said, "Don't worry buddy. I can avoid that pretzel thing." But not ten seconds after he had gotten up in the ring was The Killer laying on top of the contorted ball of Bubba and the referee was pounding the mat, counting to ten. Jake screamed and started walking back to the locker rooms. He was pissed. He had shelled out $500 to get Bubba in this contest, and it didn't last 20 seconds. But right before he got to the door, the crowd went wild! Jake ran back to the ring to see Bubba with one foot on top of the unconscious Killer and one armed raised in the air by the referee. Jake ran into the ring and jumped on Bubba. The crowd was out of control, and Jake and Bubba were $10,000 richer! Later in the locker room, Jake confessed to Bubba he didn't see what happened. Bubba said, "Well, The Killer got me in his pretzel hold and I thought all was lost. I hurt like I'd never hurt before and all I could hear was the ref slamming his hand down counting to ten. Then I looked and in front of me I saw this big, hairy sack of balls. I had nothing to lose and figured it might even help. So I stretched a little further and bit down as hard as I could on those things." "Jake," Bubba said. "You wouldn't believe the strength a man gets when he bites his own balls."

In the back woods of Kentucky, the rednecks wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another one to come."Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a hurry to be putting down that lantern. It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recuiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So, he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and that all elgible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near an brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?" The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!" The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!" The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?" The young man says, "I chop wood!" "Son," the general replies, "We don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?" "I chop wood!" "Young man," huffs the general, "You are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 21st century!" "Well," the young man says, "You hired my brother!" "Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!" The young man rolls his eyes and says, "Dang it, I have to chop it before he can pile it!"

Two rednecks decided they weren't going anywhere in life, and thought they should go to college to get ahead.The first redneck went in to see the counselor, who told him to take Math, History, and Logic."What's Logic?" the first redneck asked. The professor answered by saying, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "I sure do." said the first redneck."Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor."That's real good!" said the redneck. The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house." Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazin!" "And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife," continued the professor. "That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck is obviously catching on. "Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor. "You're absolutely right!" exclaimed the redneck. Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!!"The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway, where his friend was still waiting."So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend. "Math, History, and Logic!" replied the first redneck. "What in tarnation is logic???" asked his friend. "Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck."No," his friend replied."You're QUEER, ain't ya?"